We conclude our discussion of a parish's role by considering how a focus on evangelization and equipping ministry informs how a parish might address one ministry--marriage preparation—differently. Providing pastoral support to members of an engaged couple is challenging, as they have already made their decision to marry and feel prepared to do so. They are probably well underway in planning and paying for the biggest party of their lives, and they see the sacramental preparation a hoop they need to jump through.

The standard pastoral preparation for marriage today is for an engaged couple to complete a FOCCUS inventory¹ and attend some preparation sessions (usually a single weekend retreat). The inventory is a series of questions each member of the couple answers in order to identify core issues the couple has not yet discussed in sufficient depth. The inventory and preparation sessions concentrate on key relationship issues, such as communication, sexuality, parenting, finances, and family dynamics.

The emphasis in Catholic marriage preparation is on assessing compatibility, openness to procreation, and providing tools for relationship success. These are certainly important goals, but the "gospel living" implications are often lost. Marriage is a sacrament—in which two people are a sign of God's love—and it is a vocation—in which two people choose to serve God, the world, and each other together.

In The Role of the Christian Family in the Modern World, Pope John Paul II writes, "The family finds in the plan of God— not only its identity, what it is, but also its mission, what it can and should do."² The mission of a family is largely to participate in the Church's mission, in evangelization³ and social justice⁴. Our sacramental preparation is so concerned with increasing the odds that the new marriage will survive that we all but forget to address its purpose.

In addition to this broad general mission, each couple is called uniquely to their married vocation. In preparation for our marriage, my fiancée and I wrote a rule of life, in the tradition of religious orders, to articulate how we understood the vocation we were choosing together.⁵ Engaged couples should be encouraged to consider their call both as individuals and as a couple as they prepare for marriage.

The broader preparations for the wedding—including the gift registries, bridal showers, wedding dress, bridal party, liturgy, reception, and honeymoon—are fertile ground for considering the Gospel implications of life choices. The average American wedding now costs between $25,000 and $30,000, and for many the attitude is that bigger and more expensive weddings are better.⁶ There is nothing wrong with big wedding celebrations (with lots of wine), especially if we take the wedding at Cana seriously. But how much is too much?

There are valid questions here, from the ceremony to the reception and beyond: do they communicate what the couple wants to communicate, and are they in line with the couple's values (and Gospel values)? Perhaps we need to ask: what difference it makes that a wedding and marriage are Christian and/or Catholic? Are they based simply on belief, or are they based on following Jesus? These are not questions to be answered by a pastoral minister and inflicted on a couple, but questions to be raised for the couple's consideration, hopefully in dialogue.

A parish should also consider what support it can give to couples after the wedding takes place. While parishes often have good support systems for parents with young children, at least for networking with other parents, recently married couples with no children are all but forgotten. Entering into a new vocation with another person is hard work, and one that should be supported by the community.

This exercise of looking at a ministry a parish normally provides from the perspective of the lay call to evangelization is one step toward a parish becoming a "learning community" that orients all of its activity toward mission in the world. The challenge of doing this is a great one with many obstacles, but an equipping paradigm can focus a parish to fulfill its role.

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